WASHINGTON – In a classic display of diplomatic doublespeak, former President Donald Trump rolled out the red carpet for Indian Prime Minister Narendra Modi at the White House with a bear hug and sweet words—before swiftly reminding India that it won’t be spared from his latest round of tariff hikes.
Calling Modi “a great friend,” Trump, who has in the past labeled India the “tariff king,” wasted no time in condemning the country’s import levies as “very unfair and strong.” But in true Trump fashion, he assured Americans that “whatever India charges, we charge them,” implying that trade wars are, in fact, his favourite kind of war.
A Trade War Disguised as Friendship
While Modi and Trump smiled for the cameras, the former president made it clear that the U.S. is determined to erase its $50 billion trade deficit with India. His grand plan? Flood India with U.S. energy exports and slap higher tariffs on Indian goods.
Modi, ever the charmer, took a different approach. Instead of challenging Trump’s economic fistfight, he played along, even coining the phrase “Make India Great Again” (MIGA)—a blatant attempt to woo Trump with his own MAGA catchphrase.
Sweet Deals, Bitter Reality
Despite the ongoing tariff tensions, Modi hoped to sidestep additional U.S. trade barriers and warm up relations with the West, which have been a little chilly ever since India refused to denounce Russia’s invasion of Ukraine. In response, Modi did some damage control, declaring that “India has a side, and that side is peace.” Translation: Please don’t sanction us.
Meanwhile, Trump promised to “restore fairness and reciprocity” to U.S.-India trade. Apparently, “fairness” includes making sure American consumers pay higher prices on imported Indian goods—because nothing screams economic genius like making everyday items more expensive for your own people.
U.S. Military Sales: More Jets, More Debt
But all is not lost! To soften the tariff blow, Trump announced that the U.S. will increase military sales to India by “many millions of dollars.” This paves the way for Modi to finally get his hands on the coveted F-35 stealth fighter jets—because nothing says we’re great trade partners like selling billions of dollars worth of high-tech warplanes.
Of course, this benefits both sides:
- India gets to flex its military muscle in South Asia.
- The U.S. gets to sell more weapons while pretending to be a peace-loving democracy.
The Extradition Drama
In another dramatic twist, Trump announced that the U.S. will extradite one of the 2008 Mumbai attack plotters back to India. While he didn’t explicitly name Tahawwur Hussain Rana, he gleefully declared, “He’s going to be going back to India to face justice.”
To make the moment even more cinematic, Trump added, “We’re giving him back to India immediately,” making it sound less like an extradition and more like a cash-on-delivery package.
Tariffs on Everything but Almonds
Meanwhile, India is making small gestures to keep the trade war from spiraling out of control. New Delhi has lowered tariffs on U.S. goods, including cutting the Harley-Davidson motorcycle tax from 50% to 40%. A massive win for the five Harley riders in India!
Additionally, India lifted retaliatory tariffs on American almonds, apples, lentils, and walnuts—because, clearly, the backbone of the U.S. economy is its fruit exports.
Immigration: The Deportation Spectacle
Trump, never one to miss a chance to rant about immigration, boasted about his new mass deportation plan while standing next to Modi. He proudly declared that his administration had already flown 104 Indian migrants back to India on a U.S. military plane—because why waste a commercial flight when taxpayer money can be burned instead?
Modi, playing along, assured Trump that India is “fully prepared” to take back any verified illegal Indian immigrant. A noble sentiment, except for the 725,000 undocumented Indians still in the U.S.—which, at Trump’s deportation rate, would take about 7,000 more military flights to complete.
Elon Musk’s Curious Meeting with Modi
In one of the more mysterious moments of Modi’s U.S. visit, the Indian PM sat down with billionaire Elon Musk. When asked if Musk met with Modi as a government worker or a businessman, Trump shrugged and said:
“India is a very hard place to do business because of the tariffs. They have the highest tariffs, just about in the world, and it’s a hard place to do business. No, I would imagine he met possibly because, you know, he’s running a company.”
The Final Act: America First, India Next
With Modi’s visit wrapped up, it’s clear that U.S.-India relations are an awkward mix of friendship and economic warfare. On one hand, Trump wants Modi’s help to counter China and buy more American goods. On the other, he’s slapping tariffs on Indian products faster than Modi can say “MIGA.”
Regardless, both leaders seem happy to play their respective roles—Trump as the tough negotiator, and Modi as the charm offensive diplomat. Whether this ends in a trade deal or a trade war, one thing is certain: tariffs are here to stay, and diplomacy has never been so entertaining.
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